Shop 'Til You Drop ( When your kid is addicted to shopping)

My 19-year-old son is addicted to shopping. What can we do to help him deal with his addiction?

When you say he's "addicted," I assume that he spends more than he can afford on things that only satisfy him temporarily—then he goes out and spends more.

Does he agree that he's a shopaholic? If he is spending your money you have more leverage—but if it's his own money, he just may have a different opinion of what constitutes a need (latest clothing, sunglasses, watches). Also, is he getting into debt?

One of the psychological underpinnings of excessive shopping includes "conspicuous consumption." That is, showing off. In other words, spending money and displaying expensive finery is a quick way of saying, "Look at me, I can afford this stuff, so I must have it going on."

Another, related issue, is the belief that owning some object will deeply satisfy you. Often, buying an item produces "buyer's remorse," in which you feel let down, which prompts you to do what? Lust for more, buy more, and repeat the cycle.

Why do you think shopping malls exist? To satisfy people's desire to acquire. In the US, rising debt and insolvency is part the result of psychological quirks such as excessive shopping.

Is your son getting into debt and falling into a cycle of (a) buying (b) getting bored (c) and buying more? If so, he can do a couple of things.

First, remember that momentarily satisfying the lust to acquire only lasts a short while. The emotional spin-cycle is controllable when understood as a short-lived—and therefore misguided—attempt to feel lasting satisfaction.

Second, look at the practical aspects of conspicuous consumption: There are some practical advantages to displaying nice finery, such as more attention and higher status among peers.

However, remember also that there are some emotional disadvantages, such as feeling only as much worth as the tally on your credit card.

Compulsive shopping can temporarily mask a sense of worthlessness. This turns shopping into an emotional problem, indicating a poor sense of self that may require attention from a psychologist. We all buy things for ourselves on occasion; it becomes an issue if we do it regularly and to prop ourselves up.

www.psychologytoday.com